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Grand Theft Overreactions

April 29, 2008

Ten minutes until Grand Theft Auto 4 launches. I for one am very excited about this game, and I should point out that I am not a fan of the series. The gameplay, aside from stealing cars, has always felt very rough to me, and the shooting mechanics have been a major turnoff in the past. But it looks like Rockstar has nailed everything this time around, so I figured I would make a list of the things everyone is scared of that’s in this game:

Sex

Unless we have another Hot Coffee hack on our hands, it looks like GTA4 is actually more in the T-M range in terms of sex than in the M-AO range. It’s definitely not the focus of the game. I dare you to find any teen movie with a drunken party that doesn’t have a strip scene equivalent or even worse than what’s in GTA4. And besides, the girls stayed clothed. So really, no harm, no foul. No one’s saying your kids have to play it.

“So are you uh, sisters or cousins or something?”

Prostitutes

Yes, once again, you pick up prostitutes then bring them to somewhere dark and kill them. Are we actually surprised? Seriously? For real? For real reals? Ok, allow me to approach this from a more controversial perspective. Nico is hilarious during this scene, and obviously the prostitute is not worth the $50. Yeah, I said it. She sucks. Pun intended.
Violence

I used to say shooting in GTA was a joke, but now they’ve got a really good fighting system implemented. Is it any more of a murder simulator than Call of Durty 4? No. And don’t tell me it is because you don’t play a soldier. Do your research. Nico was in the military. But anyway, it’s a videogame. It’s not claiming to be a simulator, it’s claiming to be a piece of interactive fiction.

MiniGames

No hubbub here but they look really good. Bowling, pool, darts… add to that going to strip clubs, stealing cars, and running drunk around town and you’ve got my regular Saturday night! Just kidding. But the bowling, darts, and pool most definitely.

I’ll post more on this as I see more ridiculous banter come up. But here’s to a great game. My applause to Rockstar North for putting this together, even if it was ridiculously delayed.

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